Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Christopher J. Kelly goes to Wal-Mart

Have you heard of these "Bratz" dolls? They are dolls that look slutty. They are called "ghetto dolls" by some, Christopher J. Kelly reports in his Times-Tribune column. Crazy! We stopped reading at the word "anyhoo."


Anonymous said...

Slutty dolls? Where can I get some, they sound like great stuff. Are they like atomically correct?

Anonymous said...

I've got a spinster aunt who says "anyhoo."

Son of Pulitzer said...

I hate bashing Kelly again...but every time I think we've beaten him to a bloody pulp and it's time to give it a rest...I read shit like this.

Remember, this is a column about Bratz dolls:

"Introduced in 1916 by John Lloyd Wright, son of legendary architect Frank Lloyd Wright, Lincoln Logs remain popular among children with a yen to build things, like log condos for Mr. and Mrs. Balls Mahoney (my money is on Yasmin).

"A few more seconds of painstaking Internet research revealed that the miniature notched blocks of wood are so lasting in popularity, they’ve been inducted into the National Toy Hall of Fame. Established in 1998 by A.C. Gilbert’s Discovery Village, a children’s museum in Oregon, the hall was moved in 2002 to the Strong National Museum of Play in Rochester, N.Y.

"In all, 38 toys have been added to the hall, including perennial favorites like the Teddy bear, jigsaw puzzle, alphabet blocks, marbles, the bicycle, the rocking horse, Crayola crayons and checkers. More modern entries include the Frisbee, Etch A Sketch, Silly Putty, Tonka trucks, the Easy Bake Oven, Barbie and G.I. Joe."

This is the kind of shit you write when:
1) You're lazy and uninterested;
2) You're desperate to fill space;
3) You lack any kind of writing discipline;
4) And you don't have an editor, or at least none with balls.

Bring back the red pen!!

Anonymous said...

When I don't like an author, I don't read the author. You guys regulary read this column and come on here to discuss how bad you think the author is. You drive more readers to the column online by posting about it with links. One can only conclude that you people are jealous of him and it's become an obsession. If I were Chris Kelly, I would be grateful for all the attention you are bringing to my column and I would be laughing at all of you each week when I cashed my paycheck because you are providing him job security. After all, the columns that die are the ones not read and discussed.

Anonymous said...

First time I ever read the guy ... not familiar with his history here ... but I got the distinct impression I was reading two unfinished columns folded into one to fill the space.

Both pieces, had they been completed, had great potential. But they are like sauerkraut and sour cream, two good ingredients that just don't go well together.

Anonymous said...

8:47: It's all true.
We are jealous of Kelly. He's got a doo-squat job and zero accountability. What's not to be jealous of?
He is laughing at us. He knows how little he does and jokes about it in the newsroom.
Then again, it isn't like he'd have less job security if we didn't make fun of him. He's a made man in the Lynett Crime Family. So why not apply the Zen Rod of Ridicule where warranted?
I read all the columns in the paper, including the ones that suck. But that's just me.

Anonymous said...

Coming next: "Christopher J. Kelly's Literary Offenses"

Anonymous said...

I don't understand the deep-rooted hatred for this guy. He seems like a nice guy. He seems like he cares about his readers and journalism. Why so much hatred toward him? Someone please explain this.

Anonymous said...

I just read the column and I agree with 12:40. It had the start of a good column. But then it went all over the places and wasn't tied together very well. It lacked focus. I don't think that's any reason to bash the author or put his column on the front of this blog like that. It wasn't that bad. I've read much worse at bigger and better papers.

Ghost of Royko said...

5:10: He's lazy, sloppy, a borderline plagiarist, a pathetic Lynett apologist, he neglects his titular (hee-hee) asst. metro job two or three days a week to write this half-baked slop, and spends the rest of the week Web surfing and chain smoking, except when he's talking trash to staffers about his writing or drinking coffee at the Northern Lights or auditioning to become the world's number 1 John Murphy rumpswab.

Yeah, nice guy, though.

Anonymous said...

Get your facts straight. He drinks at Starbucks not Northern Lights. That tells me you don't work there anymore, 5:59.

5:59 said...

""""That tells me you don't work there anymore, 5:59.""""

That's right, I don't. But then neither does Kelly.

Anonymous said...

If you're looking for a serious answer to why Kelly gets so little respect around these parts, people were far more willing to tolerate his "eccentricities" and "quirks" before he became management.

There's a lot of history here:

Apparently he lobbied to join the metro desk, and they cleared out a couple of pretty good people to make room for him or because he was an added body on the desk.

Worse, he kept the column instead of giving it up or cutting back. So he's a part-time editor, part-time columnist by choice, doing neither well.

I thought writing a column asking people for column ideas was a cry for freakin' help if there ever was one.

On top of that, he's not what you'd call a natural editor. His style is to rewrite people's copy and tell them how much it sucked instead of helping them get better.

That's strike 3.

Strike 4, he became a serious Christine-Murphy suckup. I don't expect a metro assistant to mock his bosses, but man, try to maintain a little dignity.

I'm among those who've never had a big problem with Chris and I don't think he's a bad guy.

But he hasn't handled the last year and a half very well, and he's burned a lot of bridges.

Anonymous said...

that's such bullshit.
Tell that shit to his face, you coward.

Times Shamrock Butt Boy said...

Perp walk. Perp Walk! PERP WALK!!

Anonymous said...

"that's such bullshit.
Tell that shit to his face, you coward."

Sorry, you'll have to speak to my assistant, Mr. Biteme.

Anonymous said...

Except for a couple details I'm not privy to, 11:53 is pretty much on the money.

Anonymous said...

We stopped reading at the word "anyhoo.".....Any relation to the parasitic idiot who pretends to write? aka...Rube Lomax? anyhoo, anyhoots...seems to be common practice... plus the same 4 adjectives just plugged into to different names. Now there's a doo-squat job!!!